Thursday Thirteen

Thought I'd give this a shot in hopes of getting some consistent blogs in leu of the NoMoblopomo.
For those of you unfamiliar with the thursday Thirteen, let me introduce you:

Thirteen Ways To Leave A Lover

1. Hop on the bus, Gus.

2. Make a new plan, Stan.

3. No need to be coy, Roy.

4. Get yourself free.

o.k. those were "borrowed". and there wasn't even 13. So before the copyright nazi's come a knockin' on my door, here is the real thursday thirteen...

Thirteen ways to change a diaper.

1. You don't. You ignore the poopy smell until your spouse notices it. Then spouse changes pamper. NOTE: This is a very smart way to change a pamper. *side note* do not perform this technique if diaper rash is an issue. that's just wrong.

2. Ah, the travel change. Now my first bit of advice would be to linger around until a BM has arrived, and then leave... If you happen to be out and get stuck with the unfortunate diaper change necessity- Do it in the car. The kid's gonna scream. So save the drama for the mama. And anyone else nearby in the parking lot.

3. He's not a chicken. So don't hold the legs like he is. Ever tried it? Might get you somewhere...

4. Cover all bases. And furniture or carpets with either a clean pamper or a changing table-like apparatus. This sounds technical but really, you don't want to clean poop from anywhere besides a behind. Baby butts are cute. Poop on the couch is not.

5. Distraction. Distraction. Distraction.

6. Noggin.

7. Oh, you're out of wipes? And toilet paper? AND paper towels? go natural. or use the coffee filters. Yes, I did that ONCE. And I feel really, really bad.

8. There is no need to change the pamper. Because your angel pooped in the tub.

9. Tag team. This is when they fight back- Legs kicking. Arms flailing. Loud screeching. You're only hope is to huddle up, make a plan, GO TEAM! and conquer. Alcohol works nice after these.

10. For the younger ones. Please make a habit of immediately placing a wippee over genitalia. Especially the males. Trust me. Projectile urine is fascinating only one or two times. See #4.

11. Whistle while you work. Or sing. Emily has a wonderful "poopy pants dance" song that I believe Sony records will be producing in the near never. Love you, Em ;-)

12. Relatives & Friends.

13. Reminisce. Remember meconium? THAT was bad. This is easy.