Session 2

Do y'all want to hear about my whole day, or just the part where Neil comes in?


I thought so.


After my first session with Neil last Wednesday, we had an appointment to meet on Friday. We met at 11:00 on Wednesday, so I figured we were meeting at 11:00 on Friday because that just makes sense. But for some reason, we were actually scheduled for 10:00. And that some reason was that I had requested to meet at 10:00 instead of 11:00. go figure. I have no rhyme or reason.


Needless to say, I missed my Friday appointment. Good news is, I hired a trainer who throws caution to the wind with his calendar as well, and he didn't show up either. I learned this when he called me apologizing on Monday for missing our appointment. I played all innocent and said,


"Damn it Neil! My body means nothing to you! NOTHING!"


I kid. I let him know that we both had goofed and it felt like a match made in heaven. Only now I'm thinking I need a responsible party in charge of my fitness regime. Maybe I'll crack the whip on him next week. If we show up.


Long story short. We rescheduled for today. At 11:00. I learn my lessons fast, people. We did lower body. Correction. I did lower body. Neil watched my pain that exists in his dojo. Things were going alright. As I warmed up, he casually asked if I knew what a burpee was.

Do I know what a burpee is? Please. I have three kids. I don't use them anymore for their intended purpose, but I have learned that you can strap one on the swiffer in place of one of Johnson & Johnson's disposables and it lasts a lot longer.

Wrong burpee.

I forget that Neil is not middle-aged with 3 kids. And that I am paying him because I am. Allow me to enlighten anyone who also has no idea what a burpee is. First off, it is not a word that you should ever want to hear come from your trainer's mouth. If they speak it, run. You're better off. Trust me.

Neil subtly throws in the next exercise by saying, "o.k. first you squat down, pop into a plank, do a push up, pop back into a squat, jump up arms raised and repeat. Ten times.

I turned around and he asked what I was looking for. "My rascal, you idiot."

I did it. And it hurt bad. Real bad. Then he had some other torture and it was back to the burpee. Seriously? AGAIN? But I didn't want to be the whiny client who says, "I'm fat. help me." and then quits. I stuck it out.

Y'all want to know just how hard it was? I threw up. I just said that I threw up. Just clarifying for y'alls sake and mine. I felt so sick when we were done with the second set, but I hung in there. Then he had me do 50 reps (four sets!) of different variations of ab work that about killed me. He did mention that I wasn't dead and "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" Thank you, Plato.

I didn't throw up at the gym. I beelined for the van and made it home thank goodness because I had to hang on to some piece of my dignity. Half way through the work-out I gave up and just went ahead and farted because I had to. He wasn't letting me go anywhere, and I already hated him at that point.

So, if you would like to picture me doing the burpee. I have found this for your viewing pleasure. The version our beloved Neil had me do is the one demonstrated at the end of the video, but she doesn't do the plyometric jump up from the squat position. That made it totally harder.